In Chapter #5 of his book "A New Earth," renowned spiritual leader Eckhart Tolle explores the concept of the so-called "pain body." The main idea is that we all come to Earth carrying a considerable load of resentments, disappointments, traumas, belonging both personally to us from past incarnations and more general, inherent in our gender, nationality, or state. Throughout our lives, we usually reinforce and weigh down this body, which is always hungry and demands constant nourishment with emotional toxins, leading us into negative emotions, complaints, and suffering.

In relationships, it's often not us entering but our pain bodies, seeing in our partners a source of continuous nourishment. This is how we keep picking at each other's wounds, inflicting new ones, and drowning our "beloved" in reproaches, complaints, blame-finding, doubts, and compromises, feeding each other's insatiable pain bodies. This "love" in this configuration is a kind of painful attachment to a person, a desire to possess them, to subject them to our will. It's either a sense of duty or disbelief that things can be different. Or in a lighter version, it's mere infatuation, a cocktail of dopamine and other hormones, which quickly leads to the "love has faded, tomatoes have withered" phase.

I won't deceive you; I was toxic too. I collected wounds and traumas from my exes, and I hurt them in return, following the unwritten laws of this genre. But at some point, I wanted to disidentify from my pain body. That's when the switch flipped from pain to love. True love revealed itself in all its splendor: bright, deep, free, joyful, pure, luminous, soaring, and flying. It's an incredibly beautiful, previously unknown state. The sensations are almost childlike, as if you've entered a new fairytale land where everything is so unusual and completely different. It's enchanting, bright, beautiful, and cloudless. There's no suffering, reproaches, complaints, discontent, or grievances. There's mutual respect, adoration, reverence, admiration, a desire to be together and not to lose one another. There's no need to take, to fill a lack; instead, there's a sincere desire to give, to share, to bestow. And there's so much joy! This is one of the many forms of happiness. I wish this to all people.

Wishing you all a happy disidentification!